Sunday, August 21, 2011

Just For Fun: 5 Ways to Irritate a Telemarketer

Quick check: You're busy working with your deadline at work and your mobile phone rings. You're getting the plates and calling everyone for dinner and your home phone rings. You're driving in a fast highway, about to take a shower or about to leave the house, and your phone rings. You say "Hello?" It's the telemarketer, offering some insurance deal, credit card promotion, high-return loan rate, real estate investment, etc. Annoying, right?

If your answer is yes, rejoice! You're normal! You belong to the majority. (Just curious, if you're the telemarketer and a telemarketer bothers to call you in every moment you don't feel like being disturbed by a stranger offering offers you don't need, will you also be annoyed? If you're one, drop me a note. I'm highly interested.)

Now that I'm in Singapore working for just six months now (as a foreigner with an employment pass), I thought that these telemarketers won't have the information to track me down. But I was wrong. Banks and other investment companies have called me more than five times. And they kept on calling me even if I say no each time. My teammate was funny in sharing that her husband asks "How did you get my number? Can I speak with your manager?" in an angry voice. He has proven this method effective. The end result is that the telemarketer hangs up the phone by himself/herself.

With this example, I have just thought of other ways which you can use to annoy and cheese these callers right back off:

1. Get personal.
Ask for their names, who gave them the names, their meaning. Ask how to spell it. Repeat. Ask how many kids they have, their marital status, which school they graduated from. Don't forget to ask for their home and billing addresses, personal phone number and credit card numbers!

2. Turn into them.
Be a telemarketer yourself. Ask them what special interests they have and the products they normally use. Then try to sell them your product! "Thank you for calling. Actually, I'm selling..."

3. Flirt.
Wait to hear the telemarketer's opening spiel, then ask them out on a date. Or better yet, ask them to marry you. This will work best if they are the same sex as you.

4. Let them wait.
Tell the telemarketers that you are in the middle of something and ask if they can just wait a few seconds as you hold the line. Once they agree, set the phone down. Go on your merry way and continue what you were doing before the call. Check the phone in an hour and see if they kept the line. They won't.

5. Fake your voice.
Act like a retard. Act like you're drunk. Call the telemarketer by another name, any name, just not the one they gave you. Slur your words. Whisper inaudible words. Talk to yourself. You can also try to TALK IN A VERY LOUD VOICE! "HELLO? Can you hear me now? Echo..." If they ask you to speak lower, tell the telemarketer that you can't hear a word that they're saying and ask them to speak louder.